hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need help removing her.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
