I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
