guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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