Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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