I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
