He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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