I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
