it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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