Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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