If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
