It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
