I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
