Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
