I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
