Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
