I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's official drugs can't kill me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
