they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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