I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
foreskin is a definite game changer
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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