I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
