I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
