I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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