My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Soap is not a condiment
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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