sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
