Only a mothe r could love this liver
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You ruined the universe
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
