Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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