The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
