He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
