I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Let's get the cat blown out
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
