So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
