It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
