Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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