there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
