I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
