My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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