Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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