he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
