We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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