you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
