Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
