I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
