u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So much Jack, so little girl.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
