she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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