I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
