the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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