I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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