Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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