no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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