I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
