forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
