that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
