you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
