I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
