she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
