You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
