I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
